


If

by Harleybert



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Dream Bubble, Gen, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-24
Updated: 2012-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-12 18:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/494408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harleybert/pseuds/Harleybert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if...</p>
            </blockquote>





	If

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 100 fic prompts #082: If

Usually, hopping from dream bubble to dream bubble was fun. Feferi enjoyed getting glimpses into others' lives; the ability to witness events that she had only heard about but never saw; knowing that even though she was dead, she was still living so much of her life. There was a reason she had spent so much time convincing the horrorterrors that these bubbles would be a good idea. They were endlessly useful.

But there were times that she hated them, that she outright detested their very existence. These instances were few and far between, but they always left her with such a bitter taste in her mouth. And it wasn't that easy to just _leave_ a bubble. No. She had to sit there and watch the entire dream unfold and show her things that she would rather not see.

The bubble she was in at the moment was her least favorite of the doomed timelines to see. The scenes that always played out before her were like a punch to the gut, each one of them harder and more brutal than the last, until she was broken and bruised. It _hurt_. Feferi was often left a sobbing mess as these dreams faded into nothingness and she was sent drifting until the next one came along.

This one was from earlier on in the timeline, but she recognized all of the signs immediately. There were no god tier outfits to immediately tip her off, but she didn't need them to know that this was what it was for.

Feferi drifted along behind the happy couple as they held hands and walked along the shore of the Alternian sea. He would lean in to whisper something into her ear and she would laugh and shove at him playfully. They were so ridiculously happy and flushed for each other that it made Feferi's stomach churn to watch them.

But not because she was disgusted by it, oh no.

Feferi was jealous. If things had gone a little bit differently for them, if he had been just a little bit kinder to everyone, if she had accepted his feelings, this was what they could have had. This was what _she_ could have had. She could have had her best friend. She could have had hand holding and laughter and stolen kisses on the beach. She could have had happiness long before the game was ever introduced to them. She could have felt free before she ever did in the main timeline.

She hated them. Both of them. She couldn't stand to look at them frolic in the water. She couldn't bear watching as they gathered seashells and he found a pearl inside of one of them, cleaned it off and handed it to her. She couldn't. She didn't want to. She wanted to scream and run and not have to watch any of this.

But she did. She sat and she stayed and she watched each agonizingly romantic moment until it hurt her to breathe. Because this was the only way she would ever know it. She couldn't go back and change things now. It was too late for her, for him, for all of them. This was how they could be happy, at least for a little while.

Because she knew. Feferi knew that their happiness would be short lived. That this sweet couple, the girl with a pearl clutched in her hand, the boy whose face was so flushed purple that it was almost impossible to tell it was grey underneath, they were doomed. They would both die, in the most horribly poetic way imaginable. But even then, they would die happy. They would die holding the other's hand. They would die holding on to each other. It wouldn't be an angry death. It wouldn't be a regretted death. They wouldn't be alone, left to bleed out on the floor. It would be one that had to happen, but one they were okay with it happening because they were together until the end.

An unexpected wave came in then and knocked the two of them over. They came up laughing, but she soon let out a sharp cry. It seemed to be that she had lost the pearl when they fell over. She was distraught, and Feferi thought it all rather silly, that there were going to be worse things for the stupid girl to worry about later. But then he was holding her. He stroked back wet hair from her face and told her it was alright. They could find another pearl. But it matter, anyway, because he had already found the greatest treasure the sea had to offer.

Her.

And then that was it. Blackness enveloped Feferi as the memory started to fade into nothing and she was left alone to float in the void between dreams. By herself. Without him, without anyone, without even a pearl to hold on to.

Feferi turned from the darkness to drift on, ignoring the tyrian tears that slid down her cheeks, wept for the life that she could have had.

_If only._


End file.
